It feels as if I have a thousand things to say, but I can't find the right words to express myself. My world is a little more lonely than it was two months ago. My world is a little less bright. My days are a little longer because of the lack of sleep. My heart aches more now than it ever has in my entire lifetime. All because of one horrible day. There has not been a single day that has passed that I do not think back to that day. I'm sure the day that I don't think about THAT day will never come. It is because on April 27, 2011 the unimaginable happened....
I feel a tad bit ignorant. I had absolutely no clue that while I was all wrapped up in my Auburn bubble, Mother Nature was wreaking complete and total havoc on my family, friends, and state. Normally, I am so good about knowing what is going on, but not on that day. I had so much going on with school that I had just shut the world off. I had even turned my cell phone off that evening, which is totally out of the ordinary for me. What happened when I turned my phone back on that night is something that has forever changed my life...
Text message after text message poured in..."Are you okay?", "Is your family okay?", "Where are you?", "I heard about Blake."....
Excuse me?! I was beyond confused. How was I supposed to respond to questions to like that? To a statement like that? I tried to remain calm, but I was beyond scared. Before I even attempted to respond to the text messages, I called my family. Home, no answer. Cell phones, no answer. Work phone, no answer. It was at that point, the meltdown began. Not being able to connect with my family sickened me. The lack of information terrified me. I needed answers. After talking to my roommate, I learned that tornadoes had torn through our hometowns. A conversation that left me needing to talk to my family that much more. Finally, after what felt like forever (a span of 15 or 20 minutes), I got word that my family was okay. I was able to breathe a sigh of relief for a quick second, but there was that text message about Blake. What about Blake? My Blake? What had they heard about him? I needed to know....
Since that night in April, I constantly find myself closing my eyes hoping that when I open them again I will have realized that this all was just a really bad dream....
What about Blake? My Blake? Perry Blake Peek?
I learned that a massive tornado had ripped through Tuscaloosa, and it was believed that Blake had sustained life-claiming injuries.
Shock and disbelief rushed over me.
I lost it.
I was desperately reaching out to anyone that I thought would have a definite answer.
I made call after call and sent text message after text message.
I prayed that it was all a mistake and Blake was alright.
I prayed for everybody that had been affected by the tornadoes.
I prayed harder than I have ever prayed before in my life....
....as I waited for word on Blake, I learned that another friend, Scott, had been killed.
He had been Blake's roommate.
As the night faded into the early morning, I got the message I prayed I would not receive.
Blake was gone.
Morgan, his girlfriend, was too.
As I mentioned-
It has been two months since THAT day.
My world is a little more lonely.
My world is a little less bright.
My days are a little bit longer because of the lack of sleep.
My heart aches more than it ever has before.
What I failed to mention is that I feel bad about all of the above.
Why?
It's simple really.
It all goes back to Blake.
I shouldn't feel lonely because he will continue to be right here with me.
I feel his presence so strongly sometimes...
I feel his presence so strongly sometimes...
it tends to brighten my day.
And he would most definitely kick my tail for spending a perfectly good all-nighter worrying about things I can't change.
As far as this aching heart of mine, he would hate it.
HATE it.
Blake lived and loved to put a smile on people's faces.
So, instead of letting my heart ache for the years I won't get with him,
I will recall the memory-filled years I did get and smile.
Love you always PBP!!
